


Who loved him first.

by tokyolattes



Category: True Beauty - Yaongyi (Webcomic), 여신강림 | True Beauty (Korea TV)
Genre: Also I spell it as Jukyung, Angel Seyeon Jung, Angst, Bisexual Jugyeong Lim, Bisexual Suho Lee, Crying, F/F, F/M, Fix-It, Gay Seojun Han, Homophobia, How was Soojin and Jukyung not a tag, Hurt/Comfort, I typed this whole thing by spelling his name as Seyoon wtf, Lesbian Soojin Kang, M/M, Minor Character Death, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicidal Intentions, This will end before the drama dw, a lot of it, but no one in true beauty is getting therapy either, hand holding (pre marital), i dont even have a proper summary, i said suffer! but in a gay way, i will love you forever, no beta we die like seyoon, ok i wil stop, pls read it anyway, remember how I said this was angst?, sua best ally i love her, sue me, that was so rude im sorry, true beauty is not therapy!, yeah that was a fucking lie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:08:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28805598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokyolattes/pseuds/tokyolattes
Summary: Suho liked it, liked Seojun and his hands in his hair. Seojun would pat his head whenever he got his result card back, and Suho found himself looking forward to it. Seojun forced him to sign up for basketball together. And then basketball became their thing.Until they couldn’t anymore..But at some point during puberty- through awkward voice changes and protruding adam’s apples; Seojun fell in love.It was a gradual process like the wearing of rocks near the sea.First-year of high-school was a kaleidoscope of eyes that lingered too long and hands that were desperate..Kang Soojin has three secrets: she inspired Jung Seyeon’s first song, her dad hits her, and she is a lesbian. Suho and Seojun know the first one, Suho knows the second and no one knows the third..Or in which Jung Seyeon leaves and Im Jukyung enters the world of three former best friends. And how they realize that maybe they care for each other after all.
Relationships: Seojun Han/Suho Lee, Soojin Kang/Jugyeong Lim
Comments: 49
Kudos: 187





	1. And then came Im Jukyung

“Suho!” he yells. Not  _ Lee Suho.  _ Like the last year had not happened like they were fifteen and still writing songs in cheap notebooks and sneaking out to buy alcohol. Seyeon never drank, he was too timid, too scared. But Seojun could care less about rules, and Suho was indifferent. 

So that’s how they ended up more often than not, drunk, cramped in Suho’s bed. (The warmth still lingers on Suho’s skin during the winter nights like an unfriendly reminder of what he’s lost.) A mess of too long legs and not enough space to breathe. But they made it work, they always did. Seojun would sleep in the middle and run his hands through their hair until he fell asleep. “Helps me sleep.” he would explain whenever they asked him to stop. 

High school was hard. Seyeon was an idol now. He was always too busy. But Suho had Seojun. Second-year of highschool saw them in each other’s company all the time. Suho would explain maths to Seojun and Seojun would run his hands through his hair. They still slept in his bed. Suho liked it, liked Seojun and his hands in his hair. Seojun would pat his head whenever he got his result card back, and Suho found himself looking forward to it. Seojun forced him to sign up for basketball together. And then basketball became their  _ thing _ .

Until they couldn’t anymore.

_ Until Suho went ahead and killed Seyeon. _

Here’s the thing about happiness, you do not realize until you are unhappy that it was happiness all along.

Seojun stopped acknowledging his existence on a Sunday, Suho remembers the rain and the tears it washed away. The next Monday Suho quit basketball and started isolated himself. And soon enough he stopped smiling. 

_ And then came Im Jukyung _ . She was a mess, but Suho started looking forward to talking to her every day. When it got cold she would make him ramyeon at Prince comics. Suho found himself smiling again. He made her listen to an unreleased song that he and Seyeon had written together. She liked it, and Suho felt his heart swell for the first time since Seyeon. Im Jukyung made him forget. He started doing things he would have never done before. 

He could almost pretend that everything was fine. That Seojun was wrong. That Seyeon had not died at the hands of his best friend.

But he was wrong.

But then he heard the lady at his father’s office, and suddenly he hated himself. It was all his fault. Seojun was right about everything. _ How dare he smile and make friends _ .

“ **_Suho_ ** ,” Seojun said.

His voice was  _ desperate _ like he had done something wrong. But Lee Suho was going to do something right. He was not moving. This was the only way to fix things. To avenge Seyeon.  _ An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. _

Seojun tried pushing him, but Suho did not move an inch. It happened quickly,  _ the main event.  _ It was a sunny day. He had eaten sunny side up eggs for breakfast. He had sent a heart emoticon to Im Jukyung. 

It was almost perfect.

_ But Lee Suho did not deserve perfect. _

There was a car and a gust of wind. And Suho felt something break.  _ This is what Seyeon felt _ , he thought,  _ when you drove him to jump off a building. _

It hurt. Suho felt his bones break. There was blood in his mouth. He was in  _ pain _ . The kind of pain he had never felt before, he was dying, and he was in _ pain _ . 

_ An ending fit for a murderer, _ he thought.

And then he heard it; he heard Seojun cry out in pain. And Suho, barely conscious, felt his heart shatter. He had to inconvenience people, even in his death.

.

**Seojun hates Suho.**

(He also loves him but more on that later.)

Seojun was a wildly dramatic kid growing up - his mom used to say his dramatic antics were the best thing that ever happened to her.

His first day of elementary was the best day of his life. (yet)

Because he stepped foot into Namsan International Elementary school and met Lee Suho and Jung Seyeon. When he first saw them, Seyeon was crying at the front door because he did not want to go in, and Suho was standing next to him looking all too stressed for a five-year-old. Seojun let go of his mom’s hand and ran straight to the pair. 

“What’s wrong with him?” He asked Suho. Suho did not reply, just shook his head. Seojun approached Seyeon instead.

“What’s wrong with you?” 

Seyeon cried harder. “I miss my mommy.”

“You’ll see her when school ends.” He stated. These kids were so stupid, who cried for their mommy at school? They were almost adults at this point. 

“I want her now.” Seyeon wailed.

Then out of nowhere, Suho opened his mouth, “I don’t have a mommy.”

“What?” The other two yelled.

Suho shrugged, “Daddy says she is somewhere far away.”

“Like in another city?” Seyeon asked.

“I think? Daddy won’t tell me.”

“Dude that’s so cool. I wish I could go to another city,” said Seojun.

“I guess.” 

“So if he can live without his mommy, can you not wait for school to end?” Seojun raised his chubby finger at Seyeon, and Seyeon nodded.

Suho held his hand, and Seyeon smiled at him, and the rest was history.

Seojun had already decided that he liked them in elementary. 

But at some point during puberty- through awkward voice changes and protruding adam’s apples; Seojun fell in love.

It was a gradual process like the wearing of rocks near the sea. It made itself known eventually, even to oblivious Han Seojun. Seojun does not remember when it started. He supposes it was when summer turned to Spring, and Lee Suho’s smiled stayed the same.

When holding Suho’s hands became more than just holding his friend’s hands. 

Seyeon knew before Seojun himself could figure it out. Seyeon observed and saw things he and Suho could never.

First-year of high-school was a kaleidoscope of eyes that lingered too long and hands that were desperate.

“It’s always been him, huh?” Seyeon asked out of nowhere during a basketball match. Suho was playing- and by the looks of it, winning. Seojun had sprained his wrist and could not participate. So he had dragged Seyeon from his dorms to accompany him at the match. 

Being an idol was hard on Seyeon, _ Seojun could tell _ , so he dragged him out to games during his free time. He hated that even after all his hard work to debut, Seyeon was not happy. Sometimes he wanted Seyeon to quit. But he never said it out loud. Instead, he convinced himself that it was going to get better.

“What are you talking about?” Seojun was scared of his feelings for the first time. This was dangerous territory. Seojun did not know what any of these newfound feelings meant. All he knew was that  _ Lee Suho had insanely beautiful eyelashes _ .

“You know what I am talking about,” Seyeon took a sip of his coke, “You are not very good at hiding your feelings.”

“I don’t know what any of it means, Seyeon-ah” No use in denying it in front of Seyeon. He would never tell another soul if Seojun asked him not too.

“You will figure it out eventually Seojun. I mean you have the rest of your life for it.” Seyeon looked at him, “And for what it’s worth Seojun, I am glad you can say it out loud now.”

“Okay, don’t go all Yoda on me.” Seojun rolled his eyes and shoved Seyeon. 

Seojun should have told him then, how grateful he was for Seyeon. How much he loved him. But he didn’t. He had hoped he had the rest of his life to do that too.

A month later, at the peak of Seoul’s winter,  _ Seyeon jumped off a building _ . 

Seojun quit basketball the next month.

Third-year of high-school was spent hating Suho and worrying about his mother. Everything reminded him of Seyeon. His part-time job was hard, but at least it distracted him.

But  _ time heals all wounds _ \- or so the saying goes. His mother eventually had her operation. These days, she nagged at him about driving his bike and fed him watermelon. (He slept in her bed the first three days when she came home and threatened to rip Go Won’s music books if she told anyone.) He befriended Kim Chorong and his group of himbos. He quit his job at the cafe when he got an offer for modelling. 

_ And then came Im Jukyung. _

Seojun deluded himself into loving Jukyung.  _ I can move on, after all _ , he thought. Jukyung was funny, and she could not care less about his looks. Jukyung liked Gowon. Jukyung was fast, and she liked to play along. And Seojun mistook admiration for love.

But Han Seojun is one of the few people on this Earth who were cursed by the Gods to love only one person. Because Jukyung was pretty, and she was funny, and she liked Gowon. But when he held her hand, it was so much smaller than his. And her hair was so long it got tangled when he tried running his fingers through it. But worst of all, Jukyung was a  _ girl. _

Jukyung was not Lee Suho. And Seojun was glad. Because at least he could be friends with Jukyung without any awkwardness. He could pull at her hair and chase her around the yard and laugh at her without his chest getting heavy.

When she told him that she liked Suho, Seojun was mad. But eventually, he saw how happy they made each other. Lee Suho was smiling these days. And Seojun wanted to see more of those.

Seojun had regarded Suho as a painful memory from his past after Seyeon. He had lost his best friend, and he blamed his other best friend for it. It was easy to blame someone else back then.

It lightened the burden of knowing that he was the one who had let Seyeon run away that night. Han Seojun was grieving, but he had failed to acknowledge Suho’s pain.

Seojun built a wall of accusations around Suho, to hide the tears at Seyeon’s funeral. He blamed Suho for everything so he could breathe freely while Suho isolated himself. 

Suho did not deserve that. He had also lost his best friend and his other best friend was calling him a murderer.

He found Suho stood in traffic.  _ That fool _ , he thought. He ran as fast as his legs would take him.

“ **_Suho_ ** ,” he said. He tried pulling him away, but the other boy would not budge.

His voice was desperate. It was his fault. He had driven the boy he loved more than life itself to kill himself. 

But he did not make things right in the end. There was nothing but pain.  _ So much pain.  _

_. _

Kang Soojin has three secrets: she inspired Jung Seyeon’s first song, her dad hits her, and she is a lesbian. Suho and Seojun know the first one, Suho knows the second and no one knows the third.

Soojin remembers her first day at Namsan International Elementary school. She was late because she would not let go of her mother’s hand. So she had to sit next to Han Seojun because it was the only spare seat. Seojun was the devil incarnate, and Soojin wanted to be his friend. He had two other friends Lee Suho who got annoyed if she got too close with Seojun, and Seyeon who could barely look at her. 

But she liked them all. Suho had neat handwriting, and her dad liked him. Seojun was loud, and he secretly gave her gum when the teacher was not looking. Seyeon was everything the other two were not, and she liked listening to him singing.

The four of them would spend the entire day together. They would eat watermelon in the summers and drink hot chocolate in the winters. They would race in the schoolyard, and Soojin always won. 

But like all good things their friendship came to an end in second grade. Seyeon shyly showed her a poem he had written about her - something about her running through a field - and Soojin lashed out. She called him a creep. And she tore the paper in half in front of him. Soojin thinks she should not have done that, given everything that has happened.

Seyeon cried and ran away. The next time she saw him Seyeon was squished between Suho and Seojun. They were both glaring at her. Seyeon managed a weak smile. And maybe Soojin wanted to apologize. 

Her mom had taught her better. She did not need to be so rude. So she tried, she really did. But Suho and Seojun glared at her in the hallways at every instance. They were so protective of him. Seojun with all the rage his 4’1 body could muster and Suho with his scoffs. Soojin envied them.

The poem, on all accounts, was lovely. And Soojin is quite positive that Jung Seyeon was not a creep. He was just a sensitive boy who thought she was pretty.

But here’s the thing: him being a boy annoyed Soojin a lot more than she admitted at the time.

Thankfully, Soojin’s angst was short-lived as Choi Sua showed up in third grade, with her pink stationery and coconut-scented shampoo. So Soojin had friends, Choi Sua and Yoo Taehoon and Kim Siyoung. 

Her dad yelled at her more, and her friendship with the boys was in tatters but Kang Soojin was happy. 

By the time high school rolled around, she had a consistent friend group. She never beat Lee Suho and Jung Seyeon wrote a song that very nicely called her a bitch (she later found out the lyrics were composed by Han Seojun and rolled her eyes.) and Sua started dating Taehoon. And Soojin kissed a girl. She does not remember who it was. It was summer in France. There was a party and a pretty girl. So Soojin was a lesbian. Cool. 

(Except she never told anyone.)

She sort of fixed her relationship with the boys that had made her childhood so beautiful. Seyeon apologized for the song, said he did not even know Seojun had written it about her. She believed him. Jung Seyeon had no reason to lie to her anyway. Seojun and Suho had stopped glaring at least. That was a win in Soojin’s book. She was doing good.

But on a quiet night during the harshest days of the Seoul winters, Jung Seyeon killed himself.

It affected her a lot more than she thought it would. Her grades dropped. A kid she had known since elementary, and who had written a poem about her was gone forever. Her dad called her all variations of lazy. He did not understand why his daughter cared about some idol. And then he started hitting her.

So Soojin locked Jung Seyeon out of her head, started washing her hands even rigorously, unfollowed all the girls she had followed because they were pretty, and vowed to beat Lee Suho even if it killed her.

Third-year of high school arrived like an unwelcome guest. Seojun never showed up to school anymore, Suho wandered the halls like a ghost of the boy he once was, and she spent all her energy in hiding her bruises.

_ And then came Im Jukyung. _

Soojin did not know how to feel about her. She was  _ very _ selfless, and she followed her around like a timid little deer. She always appeared surprised that Soojin wanted to hang out with her. Im Jukyung was a mystery to her. But Soojin decided she liked her. 

Jukyung had a secret, as it turned out. She was insecure about her real face and hid it with makeup. It was a foreign concept to Soojin, but Jukyung told her about the bullies. Soojin wanted to punch them all.

“I will show everyone when I am ready Soojin.” Jukyung said, “I have to think I am pretty first.” And Soojin respected it.

Jukyung hid in her hoodie, and they laughed about it all night.

It was nice to have a secret that only the two of them shared. 

It wasn’t until Jukyung invited her over for a study date and she ended up staying overnight that she realised it. She  _ liked  _ Jukyung. Of course, she did. What was there to not like about her?

But what was she supposed to do? Did Jukyung even like girls? She had all these questions and no answers. So she did what any sane girl does when they are in trouble; she called her best friend.

“Ok Sua, do not freak out.” They were sitting in Sua’s room. 

“Ok.”

“I like girls.” Soojin closed her eyes. She did not want to see Sua’s reaction.

“Cool.”

_ What? _

“Um, like I am a lesbian?” Maybe Sua misunderstood.

“Kang Su I had my doubts. I mean you have shown zero interest in boys. And you are like the only girl I know who doesn’t faint when talking to Suho.” Sua was so calm? Was she taking classes on how to react to your friend coming out behind Soojin’s back? Wait, was Soojin that obvious?

“I mean, you could have just been waiting for college.” Sua read her mind it seemed.

“Yeah. That makes sense.”

“Kang Su?”

“Yeah?”

“ _ Thank you for telling me. _ ” Damn Sua and her people skills. Soojin was crying now.

Sua hugged her as tight as humanly possible, and Soojin cried in her arms.

“This does not change anything. You are still Kang Su and I am still your number one.” 

“Yeah.” Soojin attempted to laugh. “ _ You are. _ ”

“So who is the lucky girl?”

“Ju Kyung.” 

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“I mean she is pretty.”

“Yeah, she is.”

“You should tell her.”

Soojin looked up, “What?”

“You should Kang Su. Not right now but when you are ready. Who knows? She might like you back.”

“Please.”

“The cup is half full, Kang Su!”

Soojin smiled. Maybe things would be fine.

.

Things were very much not fine. Lee Suho of all people was dating the love of Soojin’s life!

She should have run him over with her barbie car when she had the chance. 

“Sua I have a plan.”

“What?”

“I’ll tell Jukyung I like Suho and make her jealous.”

“Jealous of who?” Sua looked like Soojin had grown another head or maybe another eye.

“Uh, me?” 

Sua rolled her eyes. “That is a terrible plan.”

But Soojin was a genius! This was going to work.

To no one’s surprise, it did not work.

Because yes Jukyung was jealous of Soojin because she thought Suho would pick Soojin over her. Because Soojin was pretty and she was not. How could she have been so stupid?

Jukyung was crying in front of the library and Soojin wanted to say sorry, to wrap her up in her arms and never let go. But she decided against it. She should give her explanation some thought.

_ I’ll do it tomorrow, _ she thought.

But the next day, Lee Suho and Han Seojun got in an  _ accident _ .

And her heart fell. She was going to miss them, she realized.


	2. Emotionally stunted boys and the great Kang Soojin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// There are mentions of suicidal thoughts so please be careful when reading.  
> Just rewatched episode 10 and why did Suho fly when he got hit with the car??? He was just in the air... Giving very much that one Jungkook performance. Also, can y'all tell me your theories about True beauty ( I don't care if it is baseless, I just like reading them.) Thank you for the song recs too, I listened to some of them while writing this.  
> .  
> Also, how does Soojin know Seojun likes Su Ho? The answer is gaydar. Okay bye.

Lee Suho woke up a day later in a hospital bed. He had no memory of why he was there or why his leg was hurting. He looked around the hospital room - there was light streaming in from the windows so it must have been morning - he was sharing with someone else. The person on the other bed was faced away from him. The curtains weren’t drawn, but Suho thought it would be rude to stare.

Suho tried to sit up so he could better inspect the room but a sharp pain shot up in his torso. He winced softly.

The wince, it seemed, alerted the figure on the bed next to him and they started to stir. Worried he had disturbed them, Suho turned to apologize only to be met with the confused face of Han Seojun.

“Can you keep it down? some of us are trying to sleep.” Seojun wasn’t fazed by any of this. 

“What are you doing here?”

“What would I be doing in a hospital?” Han Seojun turned over to face him. He had a butterfly bandage on his forehead and a bruise on his cheekbone. Suho wanted to ask, but he decided against it. They weren’t the type of  _ people _ \- they weren’t friends, but Suho was not sure if they were indifferent to each other- that asked about bruises and bandages. 

“What are you doing in this room?” Suho tried again, this time with a little more force in his voice. Seojun was not capable of giving him straight answers it appeared, always twisting and beating around the bush.

Suho hated it. Suho hated  _ him. _

(He did not, but he was not going to say that out loud.)

“I’m injured. Did you lose your ability to see or something?” Seojun sat up, but his eyes were focused on the window. “Don’t you remember anything?”

“Remember what?”

“You jumped in front of a car asshole. Does that ring a bell?”

It did, as a matter of fact. Suho remembers the car and the conversation he had heard before it. And he remembers Seojun trying to stop him. 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, oh. What were you trying to do anyway?” Seojun still wouldn’t look at him.

Suho thought about it, what was he trying to do? Was he trying to die? Suho had thought about it before, after conversations that left him feeling  _ empty _ . Maybe he had been trying to die.

“What’s it to you?” Vague answers were good, and the last thing he needed was a lecture on the importance of life from Han Seojun. It would start with Seyeon and end with the futility of existence. He was  _ fine. _

Seojun met his eyes finally, “So you were.” he said, but his voice was missing the usual edge. There was no sarcasm, just worry. What was Han Seojun worrying about? Why was he so keen on pretending that the last year did not happen?

“Like I said, what is it to you?” 

“Are you mad?” Suho raised an eyebrow.

“No, don’t answer that. I know you are.”

“Isn’t this what you wanted?” Suho remembered the speech  _ you don’t deserve to be happy. _ Seojun had said it over and over. Suho thinks it is probably engrained in some part of his brain.

“No?” Seojun dared to act confused.   
“Stop lying. You wanted me to stop smiling. You left me alone when Seyeon died. You glare at me when I am next to Im Jukyung. You hate me. Admit it. You hate me.”

.

_ “You hate me. Admit it. You hate me.”  _

Did Seojun hate Suho?

_ The answer was yes when they were seven, and Suho had broken his promise to be the first to wish Seojun on his birthday. _

_ “I hate you.” seven-year-old Seojun had yelled. And Suho had cried the whole day. _

_ But Suho had made it up to him in the end. And they were seven. _

But now the answer was no. Of course, it was. Seojun was angry at Suho; he wanted to yell at him and curse him out. But he did not hate him. The problem was he had no idea on how to articulate this in a way that it does not sound  _ terrible. _

“I don’t hate you. You should know that. How can I?  _ After everything. _ ”

“You have a funny way of showing it.” Suho looked away.

“I am sorry.” Someone had to throw in the towel eventually. Seojun owed Suho an explanation. But he hardly found a hospital room fit to have such a conversation.

“Stop it.” Suho wouldn’t look at him.

“Stop what?”

“You are only doing this because I tried to kill myself.”

“Suho.”

“And stop calling me that,” yelled Suho.

“Stop calling you what? Suho? That’s your name.”

“You stopped saying it like that. After Seyeon.” 

“Stopped saying it like what?” Seojun wanted to cry. This was going nowhere. His former-best-friend present-something wanted to die, and it was all his fault.

“Why are you doing this? You should have let me get run over.  _ Who are you to stop me? _ ” 

“I am your friend.”

Suho scoffed, “Say something more believable.”

“I am your friend, and I have a shitty way of showing it?” Suho shifted his eyes to Seojun’s cast.

“Yeah, it’s amazingly awful.”

“That’s an oxymoron.”

“I’m surprised you know what an oxymoron is.” Suho met his eyes again, “Cool cast.” The conversation was over for now.

“You have one as well.” Suho looked down on his leg, and sure enough, there was a cast on his right leg.  _ That explains the pain. _

Seojun would have said more, but Kang Soojin walked in the next minute.

“What are you doing here?” Seojun hissed.

.

_ “What are you doing here?” Seojun looked equal parts confused and angry. _

That was a great question. Soojin kind of knew the answer. 

“I was here when they brought you in.” Suho mirrored Seojun’s puzzled expression.

Maybe she should try a different approach?

“You could have died.”

“Not to be the voice of reason or anything, but does this have a point?” Seojun looked pissed. Soojin felt as if she had just interrupted something very important to him.

”I am a lesbian!” 

Suho and Seojun looked stunned.

“That’s what’s up, love who you love!” Seojun said finally, giving her a thumbs up.

“Uh, that’s, uh, good.” Suho stammered out.

“Wait, is that why you tore Seyeon’s poem?” Seojun pointed a finger at her accusingly.

“Yeah?”

“Damn, I glared at you for so long. All the while, you just liked girls.”

Soojin rolled her eyes, “Yeah, I did not appreciate that. Or that song.” 

“It was not about you!”

“You are a terrible liar.”

Suho interrupted their banter, “Not to be rude, but is there another reason?”

“Oh yeah, I like Im Jukyung.” 

“What the fuck?” Seojun yelled, “This is not therapy Soojin!”

“Does anyone in this room not like Jukyung?” Suho looked defeated, confused, and delighted?

“I don’t.” Seojun raised his hand. 

“Stop lying” Suho turned to him.

“He’s not lying,” Soojin answered for him.

“I am not, but how do you know that?” Seojun narrowed his eyes.

“I should at least know my competition.” Soojin winked.

“Oh and, they’re moving you both to separate rooms. The old man, who ran you over offered to pay.”

“Suho’s dad couldn’t pay for a separate room?” Seojun rolled his eyes, “Asshole.”

Soojin’s eyes widened, “You’re not going to defend your dad?”

Suho shrugged, “He is an asshole.”

.

Suho’s new room was bigger, and it only made him feel smaller. He found himself hoping that Seojun or Soojin would come back and argue - just so he could listen to the chatter of someone. So he could be reminded that he was still alive. His dad had not visited him yet. Suho wondered if he was perfecting his excuse.

_ “Yeah, I did not mean to ruin your friend’s life and drive him to death. My bad.” _ Maybe he would sneak in his million-dollar smile. That wasn’t a compliment - his dad had spent a million dollars perfecting his teeth.

Being alone gave him time to think. Soojin’s revelation had been somewhat surprising. Mostly he was glad she did not like him, that would have been weird. The thing that confused him was Seojun. He did not like Jukyung? Then why was he around her all the time? 

And apparently, they were “friends” now. Whatever that meant.

It made him smile when he thought about it, but he was not going to admit it out loud.

The thing that Suho was most worried about was Jukyung. He had not been the nicest boyfriend, and he was using her to forget about everything else. He knew she did not deserve that. And Suho like her, he really did. But somewhere he had accidentally translated his feelings into ‘i love her’ and not ‘i like her as a friend because she is my first friend in a year and I really appreciated the company.’

.

In hindsight, Jukyung should have seen it coming. She had waited seven days before visiting him. So when Suho finished his speech about how much he appreciated her existence and how she made him happy and how perfect they would work as platonic friends, she found herself actually agreeing. 

Maybe she had done the same thing he had, or maybe she actually liked him once. But after all the hiding from Soojin and lying to her best friend. She was relieved. Now she could talk to Soojin guilt-free.

So a month after her first-ever date, Im Jukyung faced her first-ever break-up. And she did not even cry.

“I can not wait to tell Soojin.”

Suho looked up, eyes wide, “What?”

“Oh, she told me she liked you,” Jukyung said, before realizing it. “Andi probably should not have told you that.” She muttered.

Suho laughed, “No she does not.”

“She totally does.”

“You should ask her who she likes Jukyung. And don’t be surprised when she tells you it’s not me.”

“Whatever.” 

“My mom sent dumplings. Eat them or she will be hurt.” Jukyung passed on the dumpling box. 

“Tell her I said thank you.”

“These are the ones Seojun made. So if anything thank him.”

To her surprise, instead of making a face Suho simply nodded. “I will.” As she left, she wondered what all that was about.  _ Maybe they actually talked about it?  _ She wondered,  _ or maybe they fought like the emotionally stunted boys they are. _

Whatever, she was not going to complain.

.

Soojin was always in Seojun’s business these days. 

“Don’t you have other friends?” He asked after waking up to see her sitting in the chair next to his bed for the fifth time that week.

“Yeah, but they are not in the hospital.” Soojin rolled her eyes, “besides this is part of my volunteer work. Gotta get those hours for medical school.”

“I’m your charity project of the week?”

“I’m merely providing you with moral support in these trying times.”

Seojun scoffed, “You are so obnoxious. Why don’t you any him instead.”

They both knew who ‘him’ was.

“I like you better. Always have.” Soojin said like she was announcing the weather.

“Because I do not like Im Jukyung?”

“Because you were fun to hang out with. I liked running around and pretending things were fine when I was with you.”

“We were four.”

“So? you have that effect on people. You make people comfortable and you make people forget.”

“Damn, I did not know you were a shrink.”

Soojin hit his arm, “Shut up.”

Seojun just raised his hands.

“So, Lee Suho huh.”

“What about him?”

“I can’t believe I never put the pieces together. You were always clinging to him, even when we were four.”

Seojun’s ears turned red. “I have no idea what you are talking about. I have high standards.”

Soojin smiled, “Right, and you are still in love with Lee Suho?”

“What’s wrong with Lee Suho, he is smart, tall, pretty and he smells nice.” Seojun looked extremely offended before his eyes widened.

“Oh my god.”

Sooojin laughed. ‘Yeah, oh my god.”

“I am so gay for Lee Suho.”

“I thought you would never figure it out.”

Well, damn.


	3. Jukyung would like to kiss Soojin. (with consent)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True beauty nation, I hate whoever wrote the new episodes and I am currently mourning the loss of bad bitch Soojin. As team Soojin, this has come as a shock and a surprise and I have not yet recovered.  
> That being said, I wrote this in a fit of fury because I was mad. This is late because I had a test week but there's sometime before the next one starts so worry not! The next two will come out before episode 15!  
> Thank you for all your indie song suggestions- my playlists are looking exceptional these days. And for all your lovely comments.

#  3

Seojun ended up running into Suho the day before they were set to leave the hospital. Now, he had not been  _ actively  _ trying to avoid Suho. Sure he ducked in the hallways when he saw Suho and walked the other way when he saw Jukyung. And yes, it was uncomfortable and no, Seojun did not regret it. Seojun could not tell why he went to such lengths but he felt weird about it. And given his newly identified  _ feelings,  _ he was not sure how to act.

Seojun did know he liked Suho, he had driven himself into an identity crisis when he found himself writing songs about Suho’s  _ eyelashes. _ But then things had happened and he had deluded himself into believing he hated Lee Suho.

This was all fine and dandy and then, of course, Im Jukyung showed up. 

Seojun had to deal with his feelings before talking to Lee Suho. He did not do anyone any favours by lashing out impulsively.

So the day he got his cast off, Seojun knew two things: 

  1. He liked Lee Suho (like as in he caught glimpses of Suho at the hospital sometimes when he was sure Suho would not see him and felt his heart swell)
  2. Never jump in front of a moving car, not even for a boy you have _feelings_ for. Hurts like hell.



Seojun walked into the hospital canteen, with this new resolve. And then, like a lot of things these days - it just sort of went to shit. Because standing right in front of him was Suho.

This was awful, he was not _ prepared _ . He was pretty sure he smelled and he was still limping! And all of a sudden he was entirely too conscious of his greasy hair.

So like every other sane person, he tried to run. But Lee Suho caught him in time.

“Where are you going?” He grabbed Seojun’s arm. His fingers wrapped around Seojun’s bicep and Seojun reminded himself to pretend not to like it.

“Hey, fancy seeing you here.” 

“Where? The hospital?”

“Yeah. I did not know you were still here.”

Suho narrowed his eyes. “Then why did you turn the other way when you saw me yesterday?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” Seojun raised his arms.

Suho smirked like he knew Seojun was bullshititng him.

“Right.” He said.

“Say, Seojun, you wouldn’t happen to still like Jukyuing right? Cause we broke up.”  _ They what? _

_ Also no, I like you, you dumb fuck! _

“No! I have high standards.”

“What’s wrong with Jukyung?”

“Nothing!” Seojun yelled out, frustrated beyond belief.

“She’s just not….” 

“Not what?”

“She’s a girl.” Seojun looked down. This wasn’t a big deal, Lee Suho wasn’t like  _ homophobic _ .

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

“That’s cool.”

Seojun laughed, “Lee Suho, the beacon of acceptance. What will I ever do without you?”

“Not be in a cast?” Suho began to walk to a table, and Seojun followed.

“Yeah. I am never forgiving you for that.” Seojun sat down opposite to him.

“Me? You were the one who jumped in.”

“Yeah, only cause you did it first!”

“Your mom never taught you to not jump off a bridge if your friend does.” Suho was smiling like he used to. Seojun was taken aback.  _ He missed this, the teasing, the smiles, the friendship, and the unidentified feelings too. _

“She did.”

“So why did you?”

“She also taught me to keep people I care about close to me.”

“You care about me?” said Suho, making no attempt to mask his smile.

“If you tell anyone you are dead.”

“And here I thought you did not want me to die.”

“I was not talking about you.”

“You still can not lie.”

Seojun was pretty positive that if this were a fan fiction about a show based on overdone drama cliches, this would be the time the person on the keyboard would sneak in a Richard Siken reference and hope this makes sense. (But said person is sleep-deprived so here is some self-awareness instead.) 

.

Soojin woke up on Thursday equal parts tired and nervous. She had spent last night studying for a quiz - she really did not need her father to get mad today, if she got rejected he would ruin her mood even more, and if by some strange coincidence Jukyung accepted her apology, he would also, well, ruin the mood - but most importantly she was going to say sorry to Jukyung. Jukyung was above everything else in her list of priorities.

When Soojin walked into school, she was immediately dragged away by Jukyung. _ Okay, now is as good a time as any _ , she thought,  _ let’s just say it out loud. _

Before she could finish her internal monologue, Im Jukyung put her hand on Soojin’s mouth. “Let me finish.”

.

_ “Let me finish.” _

Im Jukyung was a fool and this was all going to backfire and she would have to leave Seoul this time.

But Jukyung was done with overthinking. She wanted, for once in her life, to just do something spontaneous. To be  _ honest _ and to stop caring what others would think.

Here’s the thing most people do not know about im Jukyung. She is angry, she gets livid. Sometimes she wants to take out her anger and burn someone with it. _ She’s just really good at hiding it. _

Im Jukyung hates her mother’s belittling tone. It only comes out when she is talking to her. Really, she could not have cared less about being called “ugly” by some distant cousin she was going to see only twice in her life. But her mother never denied it, she would always just say “Study hard and you will shut them all up.” As if 6-year old Jukyung had to compensate for the face she was born with?

She hated how her mother would actually care about her siblings and their interests and never hers. Yeah, their family was bankrupt, but they always had money to pay for Juyeong’s tuitions. But God forbid, Jukyung ask for something for her.

So yeah, she hated her mother. But she also loved her mother. That’s why she could never yell.

But on Tuesday, Jukyung’s sister told her she did not know her own heart. And Jukyung was mad. They were sitting in her room and Jukyung was telling her all about her relationship as they snacked on pizza.

How on Earth could her sister insinuate that her feelings for Lee Suho were not even real?

“It’s like this. He saw you without makeup and did not care. So you thought you liked him. Because he was nice about it. And you mistook your appreciation for love. Because that’s what you do when you are sixteen. You mistake everything for love.” Her sister was saying this like she knew all the secrets of the universe.

“I literally kissed him. I don’t think you kiss people you just  _ appreciate _ .”

“And you started avoiding him because you thought it would hurt Soojin.”

“What about Soojin?”

Her sister looked surprised, “were you always this dense?” she crossed her legs, “Jukyung you just told me you liked this boy so much,  _ you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. _ But the minute you think your friend likes him too, you just start avoiding him? Instead of you know, telling her that you are dating him?”

“I know you Im Jukyung, you are a hopeless romantic. You would never jump through hoops so you can keep a  _ friendship _ .”

What was her sister on about?

“Okay, so what does this have to do with Soojin?”

“Jukyung-ah, your first ever boyfriend broke up with you after getting into a life-threatening accident and your first instinct was to tell  _ Soojin. _ ” Her sister got impossibly close and whispered, “Maybe you need to reconsider which one of them you  _ like _ .”

Here is a fact about Im Jukyung: She just realized she likes the girl who has a crush on her ex-boyfriend.

_ And they say romance is dead. _

This brings up to this:

Soojin pressed against a wall as Juykyung tries to word this all out in a way that does not sound awful.

“Soojin-ah,” She starts, “I am dating Lee Suho.”

Soojin sighs, Jukyung frowns.

“I already knew.” Soojin says but before she can continue Jukyung cuts her off, “Okay, that’s great! Because we already broke up. So you can like, date him? If you want? I don’t know if he wants to but like you know we are not dating anymore. Just so you know!”

“Jukyung-ah!”

“And the reason I am telling you all of this is that yesterday I saw some grass that was a shade darker than the rest of the grass and I immediately took a photo so I could show you.”

“What?”

“Soojin promise to not freak out! So the thing is, I sort of, kinda, think you are very pretty.”

“Ok?”

“And remember how I told you I wanted a boyfriend like you?”

“Yeah?” Soojin’s eyebrows were furrowed like she was confused out of her mind.

“So what I am trying to say is, I have done some thinking. And I think our hands fit together perfectly and from that, I have concluded that I want to kiss you.”

“What?”

.

“What?” Was Im Ju Kyung being for real right now?

“That came out wrong, wait, I can do better than that.” Jukyung was getting closer. Fuck it, Soojin wanted to kiss her too. 

“That was good enough. I think I get it.”

“You do?”

Soojin smiled, “And just for the record, I want to kiss you too.”

“Omg- wait what?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god.”

“Yeah, Oh my god.” Soojin heard herself  _ squealing _ . This was crazy.

.

“And then we kissed,” Soojin told Seojun during P.E. Soojin was sitting out because she was convinced this was all a dream and she did not want to get hit with a dodgeball- that would wake her up. Seojun had just been in a life-threatening accident so.

“Tongue.”

“Yeah.”

“Cool.”

“I know.”

“Have you told Sua? She is glaring at me like I ate her firstborn.”

“Shit. Sua!”

Soojin ran over to where Sua was, i _ n the middle of the game _ .  _ Soojin should start thinking things through. _

But before the ball could hit her, someone stopped it. She looked up to Jukyung who smiled at her and she smiled back.

They would have just stood there, smiling. But then Suah dragged them both out before they could get hit further.

“Okay, what is going on here?”

“So the thing is..” Soojin started.

“I kissed Soojin,” Jukyung said brightly. 

“Well, actually, we both kissed each other. It was a mutual kissing.” Soojin tried to explain.

“Oh you cutie, no it was not.” Jukyung pinched her cheeks.

Normally Soojin would brush her off, but consider this - she is gay and the girl she likes, likes her back and is now calling her cutie. This was not normal, very much not! This was amazingly wonderful, spectacular. This was like that one time she had punched the guy for annoying Jukyung.

“Wow. Wait so are you guys like girlfriends?” Sua asked, “We can go on double dates now!” 

“If Soojin is okay with it.” Jukyung smiled.

“Of course I am okay with it. Why wouldn’t I want to go on a date with my favourite person in the world?”

“Bitch, are you two replacing me already!”

Soojin looked at Jukyung and Jukyung gave a knowing look back. Sua looked too cute when she was angry but she looked even cuter when she was laughing. So they started tickling her.

And laugh she did, and so did they. Soojin was going to be just fine.

.

**Bonus: Soojin and Jukyung being the best girlfriends on the planet.**

_ Scene: A Monday afternoon in a bathroom at the movies. _

“Sua I am in such trouble.”

“Where are you? I have body bags and a shovel.”

“What?”

“What?”

“That’s not what I- I did not kill someone Sua!” Soojin yelled in her phone.

“Okay! I am prepared tho.” Was Soojin’s best friend a serial killer? Whatever, she had bigger problems.

“Jukyung is the best you know. And she loves horror movies. And I just found that out yesterday. Isn’t that crazy?”

“She looks too soft for horror movies but I knew she always had a dark side.”

“Yeah, so she wants us to go see one together.”

“Like on a date? That’s so cute!”

“Yeah, there is only one minor problem. I might be terrified of horror movies?”

“Not might be, you definitely are. You weren’t being sneaky when you covered your eyes with the popcorn when we went to watch train to Busan.”

“Train to Busan isn’t scary! It’s creepy!”

“Whatever you say. but isn’t this good?”

“How is this good Sua?”

“You don’t have to hide using popcorn anymore. You can just get really close to jUkyung and hold her hands!”

“Wait…”

“That’s kind of a great idea? What the hell, Sua you are a life saver!”

“I am a blessing, I am aware.”

When they were done watching the movie, Soojin was positive she had made a fool out of herself. She had screamed, loudly, in front of Jukyung. This was so embarrassing.

“You’re so cute,” Jukyung said suddenly, linking their hands together.

“What?” Soojin spluttered.

“I did not know you were scared of horror movies, or I would have taken us somewhere else.”

“I am so not.” Soojin tried to play it cool but anyone could tell she was lying.

“It’s okay. I liked holding hands with you throughout.”

Soojin blushed, “Jukyung you can’t just say things like that.” 

She hid her face in her coat.

“My girlfriend is the cutest. The absolute cutest. I like her hands and her nose and how smart she is.” She yelled.

Soojin just kept looking at her as she did her shenanigans.

This was her life, she held hands with the prettiest girl she had ever seen and she blushed like crazy.

.

_ Scene: A Saturday night at a convenience store. _

Jukyung knew this was going to happen. They should have stopped after the second can. 

She had no prior experience drinking and Soojin did not have a tolerance- at all.

“Soojin-ah come on, I’ll take you home with me.”

“No, thank you. You are so pretty but I have a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, me?”

“Wait you are so pretty! And you look just like my girlfriend!” Soojin took her phone out in a hurry and dialled her ‘girlfriend’. To no one’s surprise, Jukyung’s phone rang.

“Why do you have my girlfriend’s phone?”

“Maybe because let’s see,  _ I am your girlfriend?” _ Sooojin took a good look at her.

“Juykyung-ah!” she yelled out.

“That’s me.”

“The craziest thing just happened.”

“What?”

“This girl who looked just like you wanted to take me home.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, but I told her I have a girlfriend. Aren’t I the best?” She blinked a couple of times.

“Yes, you are. The very best.” Jukyung pecked her forehead.

.

_ Scene: A Wednesday afternoon at Saebom High School. _

“I can’t believe you believed her when she said you liked Suho! He’s so boring.” Sua said to Jukyung.

“He’s cool if you get to know him,” Jukyung replied. They were working on homework and Soojin had gone to get water.

“I guess, still not as cool as Kang Su though.”

“No one is as cool as her.” 

“As cool as who?” Asked Kang Soojin. She was holding three water bottles and mango juice.

She gave the water and mango juice to Jukyung and sat down.

“My girlfriend. You might not know her. She’s tall and pretty!”

Soojin blushed bright red. “Jukyung-ah!”

“What? It’s true!”

“Juktyung you ae so cheesy!”

“I know right!” Soojin agreed.

Jukyung narrowed her eyes, “You are one to talk.”

‘Yesterday she asked me how to whistle and I said yes. And when I tried to, she kissed me!” Jukyung put her hands in the air.

.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr// @separateskins


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